Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
