the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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