If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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