Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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