Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
