Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize