oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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