Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
