kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
