before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
