Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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