You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
