he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
