Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
