just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
