I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
