just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
