at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
