This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Are my feet made of real feet?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
