Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
