the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
