Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize