I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
