Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
