I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
