Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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