Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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