We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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