So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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