Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
