K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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