and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
