found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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