I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
