He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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