He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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