i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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