Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
