yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
