I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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