Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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