Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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