tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize