Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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