My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
3pm strippers are depressing
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
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