I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
