btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
