I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
