We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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