yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
