I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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