i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
