I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
