last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
