How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
