I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
