apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize