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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup

  (868): View more from Trinidad and Tobago-Carib

  So no more sangria road trips?

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• (850): View more from Florida

  These people don't understand my stages of drunk

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits

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• (361): View more from Texas

  WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie

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