just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Your penis caused this!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
