I just pynch a tree in the face
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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