Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
