So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think people are normalizing furries
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
