Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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