To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
